Top things I have never understood…

I have never understood quite a lot about the world. Why, for instance, it always happens that…

1. Whenever you’re in a supermarket queue, the air is inevitably shredded with hysterical cries of pain and terror. You look around for the murder scene only to discover some three year old has been told by their mum that they can’t have the chocolate bar in the checkout rack.

2.Whenever you approach an ATM machine without a queue, people hastily swarm in from the side, ahead of you, to form a queue before you can get there.

3. Whenever you do the laundry, no matter how sunny the day is, it starts raining three seconds after you peg the last shirt out.

4. The teller in the post office puts the ‘closed’ sign up just as you get to the head of the queue.

5. Trek may have predicted auto-opening doors, but contrary to what you see in Trek, they enter their ‘close’ cycle just as you get to them.

…and finally…

6. When the zombie apocalypse hits, you discover you’re one of the zombies.

Any thoughts?

Copyright © Matthew Wright 2013


21 thoughts on “Top things I have never understood…

  1. I agree with all the above points except #6. We’ve not had the Zombie invasion in Portugal yet – well, not that I’ve noticed. Unless, the’ve put something in the beer and we all have beer google eyes. Probably.

    And, on reflection I thought toddlers were Zombies in training.

  2. I put all of these in the same stack as…. why is it people who lived past lives were never peasants or dunny cleaners etc. At least if you’re one of the zombies…. you not quite dead… yet. (I feel better….I want to sing)

  3. I never understood why parking meters cause so much grief.Without fail, the one I finally secure is a demon who takes my coins without crediting a single minute. 🙂

    1. The laundry one catches me out, frequently. Really nailed home to me one time in 1988, way out in the middle of the Queensland desert, place called Emerald. It hadn’t rained for 20 years – literally. I did some laundry. Down came the rain. Not for long, but enough. True story – one I’ve been dining out on ever since,..

  4. It’s called Murphy’s Law. Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.
    (Forgot what a dunny was; had to Google it. LoL. During WWII my dad drove a ‘honey’ truck; pay was outstanding. Folks later moved from UK to Oz.)

    1. Oh yes…happens here. There is, I am told, a meteorological basis for it in NZ, to do with weather cycles, but that doesn’t stop the weekends raining…

  5. Hi Matthew, I think that maybe too many tellers in the post office puts the ‘closed’ sign up just as we get to the head of the queue is maybe one of the reason that the post offices may be now closing on Sundays as well. Maybe if they had a better outlook on life and customer service they may be saving their jobs!

    1. Here in NZ I swear that they have ‘target wait times’ in the queues – if the tellers can’t force everybody to wait in line for 15 minutes or more, they’ve failed… 🙂

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