Do Nazi super soldiers have non-Nazi parts?

The other day somebody found my blog with a search string that I just had to commemorate in the title of this post.

Screen shot from Id's classic 1992 shooter Wolfenstein 3D. Which wasnt, actually, in 3D, but hey...
Zombie Robo Hitler? Well, it could be. This is from Id’s 1992 shooter ‘Wolfenstein 3D’. Which wasnt actually 3D, but hey…

The present tense worried me. Does somebody out there, you know – know something? I’ve always suspected that the Nazi leadership might have escaped in April 1945, perhaps using one of their atomic Luftwaffe UFOs, and even now are lurking in a secret Antarctic base, plotting a hideous revenge on the world.

Before we know it, their deranged super-soldiers – led, naturally, by zombie robo-Hitler – will be surging northwards to unleash new horror on the world. My worry is that my country, New Zealand, is likely to be in their way. I mean, the Nazis have had it in for us ever since the battle at Minqar Qa’im.

As for how many parts of their super-soldiers are ‘non-Nazi‘? Well, that depends on whether they decided to sub-contract to the cheapest third-party manufacturer, maybe a factory somewhere that sweat-shops T-shirts, evil atomic-powered knee joints, domestic appliances, biscuits, evil nuclear death ray projectors and so on.

The fact that outsourcing to the lowest bidder increases the chance of robo-Stormtroopers shorting out 38 seconds after the inevitable “Hände hoch, Neuseeländer schweine!” doesn’t alleviate my unease. The Nazis re-defined evil. Yet nobody has bothered to go looking for that secret Antarctic base. In fact, people laugh uproariously or look at you funny if you suggest it. But suppose it’s true? I mean, nobody’d care if they occupied Dipton. But if they get further north? It’s a worry.

Copyright © Matthew Wright 2015


16 thoughts on “Do Nazi super soldiers have non-Nazi parts?

  1. So true. I’ve often taken solace in the fact that any attempt at world domination will probably outsource its munitions supply to the cheapest provider, so those $2 Shop weapons will self-destruct and be no threat at all!

    1. It happened three times last week, but nobody noticed because the stuff broke before it even got out the shop door. Actually, this may not be so much a statement about munitions as a general comment about anything purchased from that sort of shop…

  2. Thanks for another addition to the many existing conspiracies 🙂
    I think you have currently more to worry about from nature than Nazi’s, according to this article:

    But then it is hardly possible they wash up in Nepal…

    From many years of research and reading about the power of thoughts I have concluded that a passionate belief in a future event can somehow bring it to fruition in reality, which taught me that it is good to be aware, but not to worry about it too much!
    I do NOT believe ALL natural disasters were brought about by human worries, but do not rule out the possibility that some might have been…

    1. Well, we did have some earthquakes this week. But I don’t think they were related to oarfish! The Nepal disaster is truly shocking, and my thoughts go out to all those affected.

      1. Yes, that was an extremely tragic event and I also feel for them.

        Regarding the Oarfish…
        Maybe the fact that Nepal is at the top left of the Australian plate and NZ at the bottom right could explain some of your tremors? (Scroll down for world view)
        Or was it perhaps that the Oarfish beaching news has not caused a passionate superstitious belief that was strong enough to do any serious damage in NZ, which was the point of the previous reply which in reality served as a warning on how to deal with conspiracies, just to make sure they stay that way 😉

  3. Subcontracting could be our only chance of survival if we’re attacked by the super-Nazis.

    The weapons’s navigation systems will probably be powered by Google . . . super-Nazi Operative: ‘invade Poland,’ ‘Google: ‘did you mean Portugal?’

    The batteries designed by Samsung won’t be rechargeable and everything will have to be replaced after the first three hours of battle.

    And the Abercrombie & Fitch uniforms will only be supplied in one ‘perfect human being’ size, thus limiting the super-Nazi army to about four hundred.


Comments are closed.