Don’t do this with Kylo Ren’s lightsaber

My nephew has a three-bladed toy lightsaber, the one used by Star Wars’ latest villain, the petulant emo Kylo Ren.

State Theatre façade, Napier, New Zealand.
State Theatre façade, Napier, New Zealand.

Push a button and it makes some pretty cool ‘whom whom’ sounds. I managed to hit myself in the head with it while checking out the sound, but rather than share any photographic evidence of my own stupidity I thought I’d post this picture instead.

It’s the fascia of the old State Theatre in Napier, New Zealand. This is where I saw the very first Star Wars movie back in 1977. It was a marvellous piece of Spanish Mission architecture – capturing the magic of Hollywood in every sense when it was built in the 1930s. Today the cinema is long gone. Even the building has been taken down, judged an earthquake risk. But the facade survives.

I have no idea why it was painted apricot. The original building was always white. But against the Hawke’s Bay sun, with a polarising filter, it still looks pretty cool.

Anybody care to speculate on the chances of Disney bringing an apricot lightsaber into the next movie? (Nil, in my opinion). Or where the story might go? Based on the plot of Star Wars VII: The Force Awakens, my take for the next couple of movies is:

  • In the next movie, the First Order will strike back. Meanwhile, Rey discovers Ren is her father and Finn is her long-lost twin brother.
  • In the movie after that, the Jedi will obtain their revenge, Ren will redeem himself by killing Snoke, and they’ll all live happily ever after.

But I may be completely off-beam here…

Copyright © Matthew Wright 2016


3 thoughts on “Don’t do this with Kylo Ren’s lightsaber

  1. Abrams is a sly, astute movie maker who recognized the need to rescue the franchise with the first movie. That meant recapturing what worked in films 4-6 (which were originally 1-3, but then they made a new 1-3 that we’re now all trying to forget, which makes 4-6 still feel like 1-3, which in many ways they were and still are). Having done that beyond anyone’s expectations he’s more likely to increasingly deviate from any formula. That said, he knows enough to stay within certain parameters.

    So, is the attraction between Rey and Finn a rediscovered sibling bond or a romance? Personally, I don’t have the stomach for another romance aborted because they turn out to be siblings. Lucas trained us so well that the “Who’s Rey’s parents?” is already at a fever pitch and I’ve little doubt Abrams will use past experience against us (Any Obi’Wan descendants out there?). For now, the possibilities are endless and without seeing the film more than once I don’t have a theory yet. The first time around it was episode 5 that most delivered clues and, of course, the biggest answer.

  2. I’m thinking I could pitch for the next one as long as I include an even bigger Death Star with a handy exhaust fan that acts as a self-destruct button for a lucky pilot who can “Use the Force”. I might even call the hero Luke so the full sentence can be reused.

    There is a lot of time to be saved if you plagiarize as they did in the last one.

    I’ll be sitting in the naughty corner if anyone intends to send assassins after me for attacking the sacred text.🙂

  3. Ooooh, Star Wars predictions! *rubs hands together with excitement*

    Well, I’m definitely in the camp that thinks Rey is related to either Luke or Obi Wan. So there’s definitely going to be some family drama between her and Kylo Ren in the later movies. I thought the budding romance between Finn and Rey (ahem — one-sided romance!) was really sweet — although I’m not convinced it’ll go anyway, as I’m pretty sure Finn fell for her so hard because she was literally the first woman he’d ever met that wasn’t an evil stormtrooper. Maybe he’ll find a new lady love. Or perhaps he and Poe Dameron will get together. There was definitely some chemistry there, lol. (No, but seriously, there was.)

    I’m definitely assuming Luke will play a larger role in the next film — whether or not he survives VIII will remain to be seen. I’d also like Leia to do a bit more — perhaps lead an army like the badass general she is?

    These are my thoughts. Do with them what you will!

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