I’ve found a way to save hours on housework. These methods are so good I don’t know why everybody doesn’t just use them.
- Microwave oven. Surprisingly, these need cleaning. The best way to do it is by chucking a bar of tallow-based soap into the unit and turning it on for three minutes. The soap will foam up in the microwave, cleaning it. If you’re really lucky, a complete sud-tsunami will erupt from around the door and clean large areas of your kitchen at the same time. (Apparently kitchens need cleaning, I’m told.) You might need to buy a new microwave oven afterwards, but hey, at least the old one was clean before it died.
- Toilet. Push the button and make it flush. That’ll send water sluicing around the interior, cleaning it.
- Shower. Well, these things obviously get cleaned by the running water when you’re having a shower, I mean, d’oh!
- Kitchen sink. Again, the act of filling it with sudsy water to wash the dishes is all you need to clean the sink itself.
- Vacuuming. Probably not necessary, all you have to do is select carpet that is, already, grey when you buy it. But you can buy those robots that whirr around sweeping, until they get stuck in a corner and sit there bleeping until the battery dies.
See? I don’t know why cleaning takes so long in some households. Oh, wait, apparently flushing doesn’t clean the toilet. OK. That’s because it needs pepping up a bit with SCIENCE. Here’s how to make flushing clean everything via an exothermic reaction involving catalytic decomposition (never fear, the heat might crack the toilet bowl, but the end-products are pure oxygen and water – I mean, how eco-friendly is that?):
Next week: how to use petrol to permanently reduce your domestic lawn-mowing burden.
Copyright © Matthew Wright 2017