I tried to buy a piece of tech gear the other day. I didn’t know whether it would do one or two things that I needed – the online documentation wasn’t clear. But I was sure the tech shop I went to could help. The discussion (with a certain amount of hyperbole) went something like this:
Me: How do you switch it on and off?
Assistant: I’ll have to ask my manager
Manager: Good afternoon sir, in order to arglebargle thangorodrim whomp using wireless connectivity bingle manglewurzle ungulant phone app. Does that answer your question?
Manager: What part of thibble wurp Hartlepool in aspic noddycar umbleumble did you not follow?
Me: All of it.
Manager: But everybody knows how to do this.
Me: Well, I don’t.
Manager: it’s very simple. To umblpoop bribble you merely need to dribdoop ambleomble bip bip bip kadoodle kradablap.
Me: I just want to know how to switch it on and off.
Manager: As I say, all you have to do is thangorodrim booble arglebargle the phone app manglewurzle.
Me: Can I turn it on and off at the wall? I know how to use a wall switch.
Manager: But it’s so easy to omble poog dribble bip so as to arglebargle thangorodrim.
It was about this time that I realised I was too stupid to actually own one of these devices although, curiously, I later bought one from a competitor’s store where they could tell me what the terms they were using meant. Sigh…
Copyright © Matthew Wright 2018