A day in the life of a writer – Part 1.

When I was a lad with the dream of being a full-time writer, I often imagined it as the kind of life you might have where avalanches of money just pour in from royalties and you’re there in your 200-room mansion, private jet parked outside, slaves servants running around doing everything, and generally having a nice life. As a writer I imagined it might be something like this…

10.30 am – woken by slave servant arriving with pot of Civet coffee, a tray with smoked trout, asparagus, scones with clotted cream and blueberry jam, and the morning paper.

11.45 am – finish reading the paper, casually get up and slob around a bit in a bathrobe while sipping a martini – (shaken, not stirred.)

12.15 pm – can’t be bothered writing so go for quick swim in the pool, refreshing myself occasionally with a martini from a floating tray.

12.30 pm – still can’t be bothered getting dressed so slob around in bathrobe while having casual lunch of a couple of bottles of vintage Pol Roger by the poolside while reading The Guardian.

2.15 pm – Go into the writing room with a large Oban single-malt and tap out a few words on the typewriter. Still in bathrobe.

Essential writing fuel!

2.16 pm – sit down with a very large Bombay Sapphire-and-tonic to start planning the next at-home soiree. Discover that yes, Stephen Spielberg and George Lucas WILL change their schedules so they can attend.

4.19 pm – prepare for early drinks with a couple of other writers – oh, today it’s probably James Patterson and Dan Brown, or somebody else important in the field. Have a slave servant provide a tray of martinis, shaken and not stirred, caviar, pate fois gras and a variety of petit fours.

4.20 pm – finish the martinis and ask servants to get more before the guests arrive at 4.30.

4.30 pm – Guests arrive. Too late to change out of bathrobe so claim it’s a fashion decision and I have 384,000 others in a walk-in robe somewhere in the house. Explain that I am not the first to have this idea.

7.00 pm – a quiet 18 course dinner at home with just 38 close friends, 180 bottles of chablis and 397 slaves servants in attendance. Still in bathrobe unfortunately.

1.00 am – dinner finally ends. Crawl off to bed with just a quick nightcap of a final martini to be ready for another writing-filled day tomorrow. Or an appointment with a hepatologist. Whichever comes first…

Next week: What it’s actually like to write full time…

Copyright Β© Matthew Wright 2019


14 thoughts on “A day in the life of a writer – Part 1.

    1. And in what can best be described as ‘Churchillian’ quantities – of which my favourite story is a report from the officer looking after his catering on a destroyer trip across the Mediterranean in 1943. ‘Sir, the Prime Minister has breakfasted on a chicken leg and half a bottle of wine.’

        1. I have to say my other favourite story about Churchill is the time in 1943 when he was visiting Stalin in Moscow, and the Soviet dictator – whose appetite for alcohol was prodigious – tried to get Churchill drunk in order to persuade him to spill some secrets. Churchill drank him under the table. According to Churchill’s own account, he had a slight hangover next morning…

  1. Ummm…I’m pretty sure I wanted to be a writer since I was 12. What I’m NOT sure about is the Epicurean portion thereof!

    I think I like your fantasy better than mine. At least while I was younger. And substituting bourbon for almost everything else alcoholic.I might concur on the Scotch, I’ll reserve final opinion pending taste-test. Minor points of difference, nothing important.

    Contrarily, well, I think my fantasy involved at least one or two hot chicks. I’m pretty sure of that. Especially redheads. What the heck, Matthew? Just whisky/gin/fine wines? No gorgeous femmes fatale?

    Regardless of the above I suspect our realities will intersect to a considerable degree…!

    1. Well, the femme fatales are implicit with the idea of some rich dude wandering around a mansion in a bathrobe all day, not that anybody would believe that sort of scenario if it happened for real… πŸ™‚

    1. Oh I don’t know… One has but to write one really awful yet strangely popular book that makes squintillions of dollars by accident. No actual writing skills required, it’ll all be fixed by the publishers… πŸ™‚ Every book contract I ever signed made clear that any author incompetence would be met with either rejection, or an editor being hired to fix the work at author expense, which for most books means the author makes a dead loss – but maybe these accidental author bazillionaires work by different rules. The writing field, doubtless, has many shades of grey in it…

      1. hehehe well I could name one if you like πŸ˜‰ (*cough* fifty shades of grey *cough cough*) but mostly, yeah, I agree that books are successful for a reason (even fifty shades could probably be explained by the fact some people haven’t figured out the internet yet πŸ˜‰ )

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