On the wonders of found humour and fish goujons

I am a great enthusiast for found humour. You know – stuff in everyday life that’s a complete crack-up. The highlight the other week, for me, was a menu featuring ‘Goujons of Fish’, which had all sorts of possibilities. ‘Goujon’. A cool word, and so bursting with potential for scurrilous-sounding meanings. Say it slowly. ‘Goujon.’ … More On the wonders of found humour and fish goujons

I want to trademark all the vowels except ‘u’

Apparently a small storm’s brewed in the US over an author who, according to the Guardian, trademarked the word ‘cocky’ and has approached other authors to remove it from their book titles. According to the OED the word means ‘conceited or confident in a bold and cheeky way’, though I can think of a few … More I want to trademark all the vowels except ‘u’

My latest inventions – what could POSSIBLY go wrong?

I’ve had some ideas lately for some really great inventions… The Pinwheel. Applies to any modern twin-jet. Instead of hanging the two engines as close to the fuselage as possible, why not stick them on the wingtips? It’ll be quieter for passengers and – even better – the engines can act as an anti-flutter weight. … More My latest inventions – what could POSSIBLY go wrong?

Why I think opera is a kind of audio torture

I have never really understood why people like nineteenth century opera. You know, those bombastic audio-torture events that feature singers making the kind of noises you’d expect from someone who’s just had particularly delicate body part slammed in a door. Usually the songs involve an obese soprano waddling out on stage looking like a giant … More Why I think opera is a kind of audio torture